At first glance, it looked as though state Sen. Austin Allran brought a cute toy fish to the Senate on Thursday.
Then Allran showed his colleagues how the fish, which resembled “Nemo” of Disney fame, belches fire.
The fish was a cigarette lighter.
Allran, a Hickory Republican, brought the fish and a box full of other novelty cigarette lighters to persuade the Senate that North Carolina needs to prohibit the sale of such devices.
The N&O
Once upon a time, boys and girls, the North Carolina State Senate did important things, like find ways to deal with double-digit unemployment and a crap-poor government school system that can’t graduate 30% of its students. But that was a long time ago…
In 2006, a North Carolina child suffered second-degree burns while playing with a lighter that looked like a cell phone, Allran said.
Oh my God!!! One kid, probably without parental supervision, did something stupid. Quick! Someone pass a law!
Sen. David Hoyle, a Gastonia Democrat, said the bill would leave convenience stores stuck with boxes of lighters they could no longer sell. Ultimately, he said, parents need to be responsible for keeping lighters away from children.
“Somewhere along the way, somebody’s got to take some personal responsibility,” Hoyle said.
Not anymore. Personal responsibility is so antiquated these days, anyways.
Senate Majority Leader Tony Rand, a Fayetteville Democrat, said the lighters have no benefit.
Well that settles it! If Tony Rand sees no benefit to these things, there’s no point in keeping them legal. You know what? I bet we can find a lot of things that Tony Rand doesn’t see a benefit to. Let’s ban those as well. It’s not like we live a free country or anything.
Every single Republican state senator but two voted for this joke bill. Don East was absent and, interestingly, Stan Bingham voted ‘no’ despite co-sponsoring it. That means that every single Republican senator but the absent Don East, at some point in the process, said the following:
1) Parents are too stupid to do this for themselves.
2) It’s the government’s job to ban novelty items that may possibly might perhaps rarely hurt some kid whose parents aren’t doing their job.
3) Private enterprise can eat it.
4) We have nothing more important to do here in the senate than to pass this.
For that, every ‘yes’ voter just made it into round two of “Dead Republican Walking”:
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N.C. State Senate
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MEMBER
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S202-
Budget
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S652-
Lighter Ban
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Austin M. Allran
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Sp.
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Tom Apodaca
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Phil Berger
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Stan Bingham
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CS
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Harris Blake
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Andrew C. Brock
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Harry Brown
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Peter S. Brunstetter
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Debbie A. Clary
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Don East
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James Forrester
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Eddie Goodall
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Fletcher L. Hartsell
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Neal Hunt
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Jim Jacumin
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Jean Preston
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David Rouzer
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Bob Rucho
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Jerry W. Tillman
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Richard Stevens
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“Sp.”- Sponsored Bill
“CS”- Cosponsored bill
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